Sunday, 30 July 2017

Our fertility story

 I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I have known since I was 16 however I was not diagnosed until I was 23.

PCOS is a very common condition that affects 1 in 10 women and is also a cause of my infertility. I have many other symptoms that effect my day to day life; these include facial hair, thinning hair, excessive weight gain and insulin resistance.

I have always been aware of my infertility as at my 1st consultant appointment at 16 the Dr told me I would have great difficulty conceiving.  This came as a shock as I have always wanted to be a mum having grown up in a separated family.

When I met Richard in 2009 we started talking about the future and where life was going to go. This is where I mentioned to him my dream of having a family. Richard having been the youngest of 5 told me he would like to have a large family with lots of children running around to play football with.

We had not long been living together and not really thinking about starting a family yet when we  though that I might be pregnant. We took a test and it was the first of many negative tests we have taken. Seeing how disappointed we had been at the negative we talked about trying and we both wanted to start our family right away so we agreed to try without really trying.

I am unsure when just casually trying turned into tracking and really wondering why it was taking too long.  We got engaged and with that our time got taken up by wedding planning and, as we were still trying, we put not being pregnant down to the stress of wedding planning.

We got married in 2013. This is when we went back to talking about why we hadn’t had a baby. There were many trips to the Dr’s as I was not having any cycles and losing weight was becoming impossible. It didn’t matter what I tried I would lose a couple of LB’s on one week and put it on the next. This was the heaviest I had been ever and it was really starting to get to me.
It wasn’t until July 2015 that I broke down in a GP appointment with a locum Dr and after pleading with her she finally listened to me and referred me to the fertility clinic. This referral was immediately declined due to my BMI being too high. However, it did have some positives as in the letter that was sent back there were different suggestions for the Dr to try. 

Having not had a period in 2 years this was the top priority as not having a period increases the risks of things going wrong within the uterus. I was put on hormones to induce my periods and started Metformin. This diabetic drug regulates the insulin levels that in turn help with hormones. It was also suggested I be referred to an NHS weight management program to help with bringing the weight down.

Weight started going down pretty quickly after starting the Metformin, from the weight management referral to starting the 2-year course I had lost 4 kilos. It took taking the Metformin for 3 months for my cycles to start by themselves without hormones and a further couple of months to get a regular 33-day cycle.  The weight management course really teaches you the basics of feeding yourself, exercise and the emotional help you may need. We also got referred to an Endocrinologist to see if there was anything else I could do and after some questioning at this appointment the consultant wanted my husband to have a fertility test. We found out that, although my husband has a good amount of sperm and they are mostly fast enough, less than 10% are good enough to fertilize an egg.

It took losing 10 kilos and 10 months of taking Metformin to get pregnant which was a really surprise that I actually got pregnant naturally.

After having the miscarriage, we are still ever hopeful and if it happened once it may happen again. It took 7 years of fighting/trying to get pregnant fingers crossed it doesn’t take 7 years for a miracle again.

Just Kelly xxx 

Sunday, 18 June 2017

Our sunny weekend together

This weekend was a rare weekend where my husband was 1 not working on a Saturday morning and 2 deciding to do less studying. The weather in the UK has been beautiful and sunny so spending the weekend inside doing housework was not going to happen.  

Saturday morning we packed up a picnic of treats and leftover pizza from the night before and set off  in a local small ferry across the Tamar to Mount Edgecombe in Cornwall. Here in the Westcountry we had lots of beautiful places to explore and this lovely country estate is perfect for picnics and relaxing in the sun. 

We set up our duvet cover (realized in the morning we do not own a picnic blanket) and while hubby did some studying I lounged in the sun reading and filling out my planner and new journal.  A lovely elderly man sat at a nearby bench and chatted to us while eating his sandwiches. He told us about how when he was younger this is where him and his sadly deceased wife used to take picnics. As we ate our lunch we listened to this weeks podcast of my dad wrote a porno (our new weekly obsession were currently catching up on the previous seasons). 

While over there we also explored the coastal walks and what the beautiful woodland estate hide. We  came across a secret garden and a country pub where we both enjoyed a beer before getting the ferry back home. 

With the year we have had taking a day/weekend to just reconnect is doing us the world of good. 

Hope everyone is enjoying the start of summer and have little trips planned. 

Just Kelly xxx   

Thursday, 1 June 2017

May favourites 

Pinch punch the 1st of the month! 

Happy June and the start of summer. (June is summer right?) 
May has been a good month it's the month of my birthday and I turned 31. The weather has been pretty good other than the week of my birthday where it pretty much rained all week. 
With the sun shining and the later nights my mood has improved and I have a list of things I would like to do this summer. My husband still has a few months left of his course but the end is near so we have decided to enjoy life and go on long walks and concentrate on being a couple again. 

Well this has been a long intro for my may favorites so here they are.

Since going on Metformin and Prenatals my hormones have been balancing and having monthly cycles has changed the condition of my hair and scalp. My hair has become thicker and a little stronger and my scalp has being more sensitive and itchy so I needed a shampoo that was gentle to my scalp and still protected my hair. I have been using Garnier the delicate soother for a couple of months and now my scalp is feeling less irritated and my hair is feeling clean and conditioned. 

My skin is also going through some changes due to hormones my usual sensitive oily skin has become combination skin with some very dry patches. Also now I get the dreaded pre-menstual acne around my mouth and on my chin. I have found Soap and Glory vitamin c facial wash completely cleanses my skin and removes dead skin. I'm also using simple toner (not sure if this does anything or I use it out of habit). I end my routine with Garnier moisture bomb day and night cream. This routine has made my skin cleaner, softer and generally feeling a bit better. 

My favourite candles this month have been three from Primark. I don't tend to burn many candles in summer, however we have burnt these most nights through May. These candles were only a pound each and the scents really dissipates throughout the room. My favourite scents are deep nectar and ginger flower, amberwood and rose and wild orchard and honey. All three are floral and fresh and make my house smell amazing. 

I hope everyone have had a good May and that June is going to be just as good. 

Just Kelly xxx 

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Starting again.

It’s been almost 9 months since we had our miscarriage and it’s been a very numb, strange and emotional few months where both my husband and I have been playing this game of grieving.
Neither of us really knew how to comfort each other when both of us were hurting so much however, the silver lining of having a miscarriage is we are stronger than we ever could imagine.  I feel that we are coming through the other side of the black cloud that has surrounded our lives for the past 9 months.

We decided early on that we wanted to try again and I think we started to try before both of us were really ready to face the facts. We both have fertility issues.
I have Polycystic ovaries (PCOS) and my husband has fertility issues our statistics are not the best but we are both hopeful. We always knew about my PCOS but we only found out about my husband’s infertility just a month after the loss and we were not really in a good place emotionally to address it.

Now however, we are ready to start again. Back to the vitamins. Back to the eating fresh food and losing weight. Back to being us and not shadows going through the motions of living.
It’s never going to go away and I will never be the person I was before but I think I am ok with that as life is always ups and downs and it’s how we deal with the downs that make the good times great.

Just Kelly xx

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Dear Jelly Bean (my miscarriage story)

On the 26th August 2016 I had a miscarriage. I am the 1 in 5. 

Dear Jelly Bean,

This is our story.

We tried for you for 5 years. You were loved before you were a twinkle in mine and your dads eye.

We found out about you on the Saturday 21st August 2015 and we were delighted. I must have looked at the line on the stick about a thousand times. You see me and your dad had seen a lot of negative tests and seeing the two lines was so unbelievable that your dad even walked to the local pharmacy and made me take the test again just to make sure.  

 Grandma was the 1st to know and wasn't she excited after tears and screeching down the phone wanting to shout to the whole world that you the little miracle were there. 

Your dads mum and dad were next to find out there reactions as loud and tearful as Grandma. My dad and step mum couldn't believe it and needed to see the test as I said your are a miracle. 

Sunday 22nd August I downloaded all the pregnancy apps and calculated that I was approximately 5 weeks and you would be due around the 20th April 2017. Excitedly we got the bus into the city center and dreamed about what prams, highchairs, cribs and clothes you would have. 

This day was the 1st day I recognized the symptoms I had been feeling for the last week were pregnancy symptoms. I nearly threw up in Starbucks at the smell of coffee and I have never looked at a tomato quite the same as I salivated and  wanted to eat one like an apple. 

Your dad and I walked hand and hand feeling the proudest we have ever felt you were our little secret that only a select few knew about.

Monday 23rd of August 2016 through a fog of nausea I worked and told the GP about you and she confirmed you would be an April baby. 

Wednesday 24th August 2016 I slept in to half 8 and had to run to the toilet for a wee (another pregnancy symptom) this is when the bleeding started a tiny amount at 1st but gradually heavier. 

My step mum took me to the Drs and came in with me. The Dr tried to reassure me and told me you were too small to show up on a scan and we would have to wait till the end of the week to see you. 

I'm sorry my mothering instincts told me your were going I really did want to believe you were going to stay with us. Your dad came home from work in a whirl wind of emotions and tears. We held each other and hoped it wasn't true. 

Thursday 25th August 2016 this was the day you left us. 

At 6am I went to the toilet you laid there on the tissue about the size of a blueberry I stared at you for a good 5 mins before I called for your dad to see you. The next few hours went by in a daze of tears, pacing and surprisingly cleaning. 

The Dr rang and confirmed you were gone at 10am and we were crushed. Your life flashed past my eyes 1st step, 1st word, 1st day at school, day trips to the seaside and graduating university. All three of us were robbed of a lifetime of happy memories. 

The days and weeks that have followed I have gone through a mass of emotions questioning whether I am a mum. Do I celebrate mothers day if I never held you or fed you. I may not of done these things but, I loved you every single second you were alive if not more. 

Your Nanny took you home with her and buried you in her garden you have a beautiful spot and your very own plaque and rose bush. You are so loved. 

Thursday 25th August 2016 is a day that will never be forgotten and you will never be forgotten. I will love you forever and even when/if we have more children you will always be my first. 

All my love. Always 

Mum xxx

Thursday, 19 May 2016

What I ate Wednesday! (birthday edition)

Yesterday was my birthday and as a quick blog post thought I would write a quick post on what I ate while celebrating (disclosure I did not eat healthy and will be living off salad for the next month). 

Breakfast – A birthday tradition in our house is breakfast of your choice in bed while opening your gifts. I had toast with jam, hobnob biscuits and a very large cup of tea. 

Lunch – My brother brought me a Panini press for my birthday and sneakily my husband brought cheese and turkey ham so cheese and ham toasties it's was!! 

Afternoon tea – Sounds posher than it was my Grandma, Sister, Step Mum and Dad came round for coffee and chocolate cake the chocolate cake was super gooey and sickly my sweet toothed husband had two slices. 

Dinner – last night we went to wildwood the restaurant with my dad, step mum and little brother. The food was amazing and very filling. I had a mojito cocktail  it was very nice but very strong. Then for starters I ordered calamari with Cajun Mayo this was really well cooked and the Mayo had a lovely spicy kick. For mains I had a chicken burger with fries (me the picky eater gave my jalapeño and tomato to my husband). And then to the dessert and we all got sundaes mine was an Eton mess sundae and it was so decadent and rich I could only manage half. 

I had a lovely quiet birthday and today I am off to spend some of the vouchers and money I received. (And take shares out in kale 😜) 

Thanks for reading. 

Just Kelly xx

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Birthday party

I am currently in bed suffering with the worst hangover I have had in a long time. My head is pounding, my tummy is churning and I am thirsty. I forgot what a real hangover felt like and I can't cope!! 

Last night however was amazing! My sister and I decorated the house in baby pink balloons and banners. My dad helped prepare the buffet and my amazing little brother and husband made a 6 layer rainbow cake. 

I felt so loved 14 of my closest friends and family all came and celebrated me turning the dreaded 30 (my actual birthday is on Wednesday) there was dancing, singing, rapping and an awful lot of cake. I had sparklers in my cake and we all toasted with apple sours and pink champagne. 

The night ended with a very very loud sing along to a cheesy hits playlist on Spotify. Also by the end of the night my  younger brother and sister were rapping to Macklemore downtown as our guests left the house for there taxis. All while our new neighbors were looking out there windows.

All I have done today is fill my dish washer, hoover confetti and cake from my dining room, eat far too much leftover buffet food (mainly sausage rolls and cheese straws) and watch Once Upon a Time and Doctor Who on Netflix. Please let this only last 1 day!!! 

Rich and I have the whole week together and have planned meals out and day trips to the seaside. Also I think Rich has a few surprises up his sleeve. 

However now I am going to bed to hopefully sleep off this hangover fingers crossed its gone by tomorrow!! 

Thanks for reading 

Just Kelly xx